


Camp STRQ

by EveryoneIsGayForQrowBranwen



Category: RWBY
Genre: Camp Camp - Freeform, Hijinks & Shenanigans, James Ironwood as Quartermaster, No Raven in this, RWBY but it’s Camp Camp, Swearing
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 13:06:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28849536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EveryoneIsGayForQrowBranwen/pseuds/EveryoneIsGayForQrowBranwen
Summary: I’M SO SORRY BUT I HAD TO START THIS FIC.Qrow is forced to go to a summer camp, and the moment he steps foot on the ground, he hates the fucking place. Especially his camp counselor named Ozpin. He meets 2 new people, Summer and Taiyang. Now all Qrow needs to do is escape this shithole with his new friends.AKA: Its camp camp but team STRQ. ( No you don’t need to know what camp camp is to read this.)
Relationships: Ozpin & Team STRQ, Qrow Branwen & Glynda Goodwitch, Qrow Branwen & Ozpin, Qrow Branwen & Summer Rose, Qrow Branwen & Taiyang Xiao Long





	1. Camp Beacon.

**Author's Note:**

> I’m sorry that I made this-

“ Can you believe it, Qrow? We're getting not one, not three, but two new campers today!” Qrow’s camp counselor- Ozpin- said in glee as he stood beside him, waiting for the bus to come.

Qrow did NOT want to be at this stupid fucking camp. Why did Raven get to stay home? Why the fuck did he have to be sent here? He hated this place the second his 10 year old ass stepped foot in this camp.

Qrow sighed, “ Yup, it’s really, truly horrifying.”

Ozpin laughed, “ Horrifying? What? Are you afraid of making a few new friends?” Ozpin started ruffling his hair and Qrow slapped his hand away then started fixing his hair. “I'm not here to make friends, Ozpin. I'm here because camp is where kids are sent when their parents don't want to deal with them. Why do you think we return the favor when they hit seventy?” 

Ozpin gasped and put a finger on his chin, “ Hang on a sec!” He titled his head, “ What are you even doing out here?” He pointed at the 10 year old boy beside him.

Qrow stopped looking at him and looked at the road in front of him, “ Well, it’s definitely not because the bus only comes from the city to drop off campers and pick up campers, and so far seems to be my only reasonable way of escaping this fucking nightmare of a place.” He looked back up at Ozpin, “ Definitely not that.”

“ Heeeyy..” Ozpin looked at him curiously, “ Language.”

“ Suck a dick.”

Ozpin picked the boy up and Qrow was really starting to hate his fucking counselour, “ All I want is for you kids to have as much fun as I did when I was a Beacon camper. Is that really too much to ask?”

“ Yes. And I refuse to believe someone as happy as you can possibly exist.” Qrow started squirming when Ozpin was hugging him. The bus honked and Ozpin gasped then dropped Qrow onto the ground. Ozpin squealed and put his hands together, “ The bus is here!”

He started running towards the road, “ Hello! Welcome to camp-“ He shrieked when the bus hit him. The doors of the bus opened, “ Kids are here.” A man that Qrow had seen earlier said. He had a hook as his hand and he had a long beard, “ Quartermaster.” They called him.

A girl jumped out of the bus, she had black hair with red tips and had silver eyes, “ Hah!” She Inhaled loudly, “ Oh yeah, smell that nature! Oh that's the stuff!”

Ozpin stood up, his legs wobbling but he was fine! Quartermaster always ran him over with a bus! Ozpin waved, “ Well, hello there, little lady! You must be Summer. My name is Ozpin and I am your camp-“ He shrieked as Summer bit his hand and he started waving it in the air but she wouldn’t let go and he kept shrieking. 

“ Excuse me?” Someone else came out of the bus. He had blonde hair, blue eyes and wore cargo shorts. They were stupid pants to Qrow. “ Is this science camp?” 

“ No, silly!” Summer stopped biting Ozpin’s hand and fell to the floor, “ This is adventure camp! Ad-ven-ture. My mom said so!” She tilted her head, “ Unless she was lying. Again.” She looked up at Ozpin, “ Sorry about that hand by the way. Just exerting dominance, you know how it goes.”

Ozpin chuckled nervously then turned to the boy with blonde hair, “ Uh. And you must be Taiyang! Well, you two will be happy to know that camp Beacon is both of the-“ He screamed when the back of the bus hit him.

Qrow tried to reach for the pedal on the bus, “ Stupid prepubescent legs!” 

Quartermaster picked him up by his hook in Qrow’s black hoodie, “ Not today, child. Only one driving this bus is me.” He walked out of the bus, Qrow still attached to his hook.

Ozpin but a hand on his lower back as he stood up. Darn diggity dang! He really had to watch out for buses hitting him more! “ Ugh. Thank you, Quartermaster.” He said as Quartermaster walked towards him and detached Qrow from his hook, letting the boy drop to the ground.

“ You're on your own now.” Quartermaster said, his gravelly voice always scared Ozpin, “ Going on break! Be back at noon.” Quartermaster switched his hook hand to a bottle of- a drink that Ozpin would never have in front of kids- attached to his arm instead of his hook.

Ozpin kneeled down, “ Qrow, you are not leaving my side for the rest of the day.”

Qrow crossed his arms over his chest, “ We’ll see about that, camp man.”

“ So what’s your deal?” Taiyang asked once Ozpin walked away. Qrow sighed, “ I’m just a kid trying to survive out here, Tai.”

“ My name is Taiyang.”

“ Your name is too long so it’s Tai now.” 

“ Now let’s go check out the camp, kids!” Ozpin said, happily as always then did a little twirl and Qrow rolled his eyes.

They started walking into the camp, “ The first stop on a very good tour is the flagpole! I can’t help but give it the Camp Beacon salute every time I see it.” Ozpin glanced up then quickly did a salute, “ Beside the flagpole is our mess hall, which-“ He stopped then did a salute, “ Oh, sorry. Saw the flag again.”

“ Beside the flagpole is our mess hall, which is also beside the Quartermaster store. It’s here where we’ll serve meals, hold announcements, and occasionally take part in camp activities!” Qrow made a mental note to never go into the Quartermaster store, and to try to stay away from the mess hall as much as he could.

Qrow deadpanned, he was not enjoying this at all. Summer was smiling wide, and Tai was fidgeting his fingers, looking nervous.

“ Tell them how much you love it, Qrow!” Ozpin expanded his arms out as a grand gesture. Qrow looked at Summer, ‘ See, that’s the sad thing. He still actually thinks that I love it.”

“ And who wouldn’t?” Ozpin walked towards the mess hall doors, “ Now, let’s step inside and meet my co-counselor Glynda, who’s in the middle of a camp activity right now! Oh man, you're gonna love her!

He opened the door, “ Goood morning, Glynda-“

“ Motherfucker!”

Ozpin widened his eyes.

There were a bunch of other kids inside, and a boy with a helmet in his head attached to the fan on the ceiling, screaming, “ Gooooo! Crank it to the high, I can take the G’s.” there was a boy standing at a switch which probably controlled the fan.

A woman with blonde hair pointed at the boy standing by the switch, “ Mario Winchester. You don’t crank shit! Space kid, or Marrow- whatever the fuck you want me to call you- get down from there!” She was frowning screwdrivers at the fan.

“ Oh dear!” Ozpin ran to help and Summer giggled.

“ What is going on here?” Tai asked.

Qrow grabbed his arm, “ I’m telling you, if we leave now, I can Hotwire that bus.” Summer ran by them and grabbed their arms, “ This is amazing!” She giggled.

“ Buzzkill.” Mario Winchester said once Ozpin turned the fan off. Marrow-Space kid- fell to the ground, “ I’m okay!” He shot a thumbs up.

“ What the gosh darn heck happened?” Ozpin asked the blonde woman- who Qrow assumed was Glynda. She sighed and threw her head back, “ Ugh, Marrow’s just, y’know, pushing me to my limit.”

“ Well, we have new campers to introduce and orientate!” He jumped up and Glynda groaned, putting a hand on her forehead, “ Gods, that’s right. Okay let’s...show them the video.” She rolled her eyes.

“ Actually, I was thinking I could play them that song that I’ve been-“ He put his hand behind his back and brought a guitar out of nowhere. Glynda stopped him and out a hand on his chest, “ I’m gonna stop you, right there. No.” She walked away and he pouted then put guitar behind his back and it disappeared.

“ I’ll get the laser disk.” She said as she walked away.

“ O-Kay!” He put his hands around his mouth so he could talk louder, “ All you campers head over to the activities field for your afternoon sessions!” A bunch of the kids groaned and started walking towards the door. Qrow started walking towards it but stopped when Ozpin grabbed his hoodie, “Uh-uh, not you, Qrow.” He picked him up by his hood then placed him down beside him, “ Damnit!” Qrow hissed.

“ Will someone please talk to me about science camp? None of those kids looked science-y.” Tai chirped up. Summer playfully nudged him, “ What about that astronaut kid?” She asked.

Tai scoffed, “ Astronauts, the wannabe jocks of the science community? Please.” He waved a hand.

Glynda came back with a gigantic disk in her hand- what the fuck would it even fit in? She blew on it and a bunch of dust went flying into Ozpin’s face, she then handed it to Ozpin. “ Don’t you worry kiddos, this video will explain everything!” He jumped up and so did the disk but he quickly caught it. 

In the corner of Qrow’s eye, he could see Glynda pushing something with a small TV on it. He started to talk about stuff that Qrow didn’t really care about, “ It was put together by our founder, Ozma Beacon, back when I was a young eager camper just like yourselves! He was an absolute legend- oh, sorry, is an absolute legend.”

Ozpin’s words faded away when Qrow saw something behind Ozpin, a ladder stair coming down from a small hole on the ceiling, it was probably an attic. But who put it down? Then, a man with grey hair and a grey moustache started climbing down the stairs, wearing nothing but boxers and a t-shirt. Glynda just looked at him wide-eyed.

He looked around and Tai, Summer and Qrow watched as he quickly started climbing the ladder. Glynda just blinked rapidly. She stepped forward to look at the top of the ladder a little more then stepped back as the man came back down, wearing cargo shorts- oh for fucks sake- a white t-shirt and a brown vest over it. He started walking towards Ozpin.

Qrow listened to Ozpin again, “ Oh, how I wish Ozma was here now.” He said and stared off into the distance. “ I am here, Ozzy.” The man- Ozma- put a hand on Ozpin’s shoulder. Ozpin gasped then turned around, dropping the disk and it shattered into pieces, “ Mr. Beacon?! Wh-what are you doing here, sir?”

Ozma laughed, “ Well I’m certainly not hiding from any authorities if that’s what you're thinking.” A bead of sweat rolled down the side of his face.

Ozpin looked at him confused, “ Uh, what?”

Ozma laughed and put an arm around his shoulder, bringing a smile to Ozpin, “ Haha! Oh, come on, Ozzy! You think I’d miss the opportunity to welcome our new Camp Beacon campers to Ozma’s Beacon Ozma’s beacon?” 

“ You have for years, sir.” Glynda said plainly and Ozma put an arm around her shoulder. He laughed, “ Haha! Oh Grace, you slay me!” 

“ Glynda..it’s Glynda.” She tried to squirm away from his side hug. “ What did I say?” He asked.

“ Hey, brawny guy?” Summer called, “ This is Adventure Camp, right?”

“ Yeah,” Tai nodded his head, “ So far any attempt to answer our questions just raises more questions.” He put a hand in his chin then shrugged. Qrow smiled- wasn’t a happy smile. “ Hey, good for you! You're starting to catch on!” Qrow said.

Ozma laughed, “ Don't worry kids! These two will take you on a tour of our great camp and answer any questions you might have.” 

A car screeched outside and Ozma looked out the window, there was a black car and 2 men with black suits and black glasses had come out. Ozma widened his eyes then closed the blinds, “ In fact we should go on that tour right now! _Away_ from this spot.” He started to push them all out.

When they got to the activities field, there were a bunch of stands, “ There’s the extreme sports camp.” Glynda said and pointed to a ramp with a girl skateboarding on it.

“ Magic camp.” She pointed to a boy with ruby red gloves who was holding a hat and pulled a bunny out of it. 

“ Space camp.” There was a boy- a Faunus- with a dog tail, looking at a small cardboard structure which looked like a rocket ship.

“ Theatre camp.” There was a boy with green hair and his face got covered with a tomato after Mario Winchester threw it at him.

“ Another magic camp.” There was a girl with a bunny tail who had a mini weird looking castle and a cardboard dragon.

“ And lots more. Lots of more stuff.” Glynda facepalmed.

“ How much more stuff?” Summer asked and Glynda groaned. “ I don’t get paid enough for this shit.” She mumbled.

Ozpin smiled, “ Well, I’m glad you asked,” He put his hand behind his back and the guitar came outta nowhere again, “ Because I have a little song that I can sing-“

“ No.” 

Ozpin listened to Glynda and put the guitar behind his back and it disappeared, “ When Glynda’s not around.” He added and gave a nervous chuckle.

“ By the way, Mr. Beacon, now that you're here maybe we can discuss just how exactly were meant to operate at this scale-“

“ Hey, is that kid trying to escape?” Ozma pointed at Qrow running down the trail, then looked down to a puppet made version of Qrow.

Qrow panted as he kept running, “ If I can just get to that bus before it heads back!” He turned his head around, but when he started to look forward again, he ran into a pair of legs.

He fell to the ground and groaned when a familiar figure stood over him, “ Looks like knitting camp wasn’t as stupid as someone said, huh Qrow?” He held the fabric doll version of Qrow over him.

“ You are the bane of my existence.” Qrow said as he crawled onto his elbows.

Ozpin laughed, “ All right now, let’s go.” He picked him up by the arms and walked back towards the activities field, then placed him down beside Summer.

“ Excuse me, what the hell is this?” Tai asked as he stood in front of a stand that looked like shit and had the words _‘ Science’_ written on it. 

Ozpin smiled, “ Ah! I see you found it. That, my friend, is science camp!”

“ But but but- this isn’t what I signed up for.” Tai stuttered.

“ This is bullshit!” He then yelled and everyone in the camp stared at him.

“ Woah, check out the balls on new kid.” Qrow smirked and Summer gasped, “ Where?” She asked then looked down at her-

Tai pointed at Ozma, “ I don’t know what kind of operation you think your running, but I won’t stand for it! I’m a man of science! You think you can rummage a bunch of outdated equipment and call it a laboratory?!”

Glynda sighed, “ Look kid, I know it’s not-“

“ Stand down, Gennie.” Ozma put a hand up, “ I’ll speak to the children.” He put a finger up, “ Kids, I’m going to be blunt and completely honest with you. When I opened Camp Beacon all those years ago, I had one goal and one goal only. To create the most powerful and successful summer camp in the world!”

Glynda yawned.

“ But times have changed. Things like the internet, video games and the Affordable care act are ruining Remnant for you. And the children of today just aren’t interested in a traditional summer camp. But Vale isn’t a traditional kingdom! So why settle for anything less!”

Ozpin sniffed and wiped a tear.

“ You’ve got two camp counselors, one hell of a quartermaster, and endless possibilities here! And by the brothers as long as I’m here-“

A car screeched and the same dudes from before had came out of the car and started shooting. Ozma widened his eyes and moved his arm closer to his face, speaking into the watch on it, “ Code black! Code black!” 

A helicopter came, dropping a ladder down and Ozma chuckled, “ Well, look at the time. Gotta go!” He climbed up the ladder and the helicopter flew away. The dudes shot at the helicopter until they couldn’t see it anymore then they drove away. 

“ Well he seems nice!” Summer said.

Glynda put her hands at the side of her head and widened her eyes, “ Oh gods! It’s coming back, the crippling anxiety and regret.” She ran. “ Uh, Glynda?” He ran after her.

“ Well, time to get that there bus back to that there city.” Quartermaster said as he walked by Summer, Tai and Qrow.

Qrow widened his eyes and grabbed Tai’s arm, “ Tai, that bus is our only chance to get out of here. Do you want to spend the rest of your summer at this shithole of a place or do you want to enjoy the sweet taste of freedom?” He started shaking Tai.

Tai consider for a moment, “ Let’s get the fuck out of here.”

“ Makin’ a break for it?” Summer asked, “ I can make a distraction for you.”

“ Why would you help us?” Qrow asked.

“ I’m an agent of chaos.” Summer shrugged, ‘ Hey Ozpin!” Summer called as Ozpin helped Glynda up from the ground, then dropped her as he answered, “ Yes Summer?”

“ How about you pick up our spirits with that camp song you won’t shut up about?”

“ Well, that’s a great idea!” He reached for the guitar that appeared randomly and started to play it, “ Oh for the brothers sake, fuck no.” Glynda groaned.

“Ooooohhh~ There's a place I know that's tucked away, a place where you and I can stay, where we can go to laugh and play and have adventures every day! I know it sounds hard to believe but guys and gals it's true, Camp Beacon is the place for me and-“

“ The kids are gone.” Glynda said and Ozpin stopped playing as he looked at 3 fabric dolls on the ground that looked like Summer, Tai and Qrow.

The three of them panted as they ran towards the bus. They ran past quartermaster who was walking towards the bus, “ No runnin’” he mumbled. Glynda and Ozpin ran past him, Glynda screaming at him, “ No runnin’” Quartermaster mumbled again.

“ There it is!” Qrow yelled as he pointed to the bus just a few feet away from them. “ They’re right behind us!” Tai kept running but turned his head around to see Glynda and Ozpin chasing them. 

“ Qrow, get back here! You are being a very bad influence on our new campers!” Ozpin was right behind Qrow. “ Never!” Qrow shouted. “ Qrow, hurry!” Summer shouted. 

Ozpin reached his hand out to grab at Qrow’s hood until Summer threw paper stars at him and Ozpin fell, Glynda tripping over him. 

Qrow, and Summer laughed as they got into the bus and Tai made a sigh of relief. Qrow stood at the bottom of the steps, hands on the side of the doors, “ Remember this face, Ozpin, because you’ll never see it again!” Qrow shouted then the the bus wheels started to screech and it drove away.

* * *

Glynda had her hands on her hips and Summer, Tai, and Qrow stood behind her while Ozpin was talking to the sheriff. Glynda glared at them. “ I’m getting real tired of having to come back up here, Ozpin.” The sheriff said and handed Ozpin a paper.

Ozpin sighed, “ I know Junior, I know.” 

“ We were so close!” Qrow whispered.

Tai shrugged, “ Well, I mean in hindsight, none of us really know how to drive.” 

“ Yeah, honestly Qrow, how far did you expect to make it?” Glynda asked as Ozpin stressed over whatever he got from the sheriff. 

“ Imma be real, I just always wanted to drive a bus.” Summer said and smiled proudly.

Ozpin chuckled, “ Well kids, I hope we all learned something today.” 

Qrow pointed at Ozpin, “ Oh, no. I hope YOU learned, David. I hope you learned that before today, you only had one little bastard to deal with. But now you've got three.”


	2. Zwei the hamster.

“ And here we have our time-honoured camp mascot, Zwei the Hamster!” Ozpin said as the kids followed him to a table with a hamster on it.

Ozpin waved, “ Say hi Zwei!” He moved behind the table. 

“Hi, there, campers! I hope your ready to have fun today! Don’t forget to respect Ozpin and everything he does for you!” Qrow rolled his eyes at the way Ozpin pretended to be Zwei.

Ozpin gasped and picked up Zwei by the hand, “ Oh, he talked! Did you hear that?”

“ Are you a gypsy?” Summer asked.

“ Uhhh.”

“ Ahem.” Qrow cleared his throat and Ozpin looked at Qrow. There was a masterfully-built Rube Goldberg machine that Qrow made and he pushed something on it. Blocks of woods fell onto a hammer then the hammer launched a shoe into the sky, it went all over the place. It landed on a mini fan and pushed a small sailboat with a fork on it, which then popped a balloon that was holding back a bowling ball, which landed on a switch of a catapult which had a big rock on it that had ‘ _Fuck the Huntsman’_ written on it.

It catapulted into the air and Ozpin felt the breeze of the rock swept passed his hand, causing the rock to hit Zwei.

You could hear the hamsters scream as the rock was flying in the air- the hamster on it. The rock flew all the way to a small little island in the middle of the lake and birds flew away from where the rock landed. Probably killing Zwei.

“Aw, man…” Qrow pouted then looked at Ozpin, “ That was supposed to kill you.”

Ozpin moved all the kids to the docks by the lake, “ Alrighty, kids! Today, we’ll be on the hunt for a brand new mascot!”

Qrow put his hands out, “ Woah, woah, woah. Why you gotta put that shit on us? We don’t work at this shithole!” 

Ozpin smiled wide and it creeped out Qrow. He kneeled down, he and Qrow were face to face, their noses almost touching, “Well, Qrow, we were going to make hand-made ice cream, but someone killed our mascot and now we need a new one becAUSE EVERY GOOD CAMP HAS A MASCOT, QROW!” 

Ozpin stood up straight, “...Also, Glynda’s feeling...under the weather, and this is one of the few actives I can do without her!”

Qrow doubted that.

“ Under the weather?” Tai asked once Ozpin had to go help Marrow who accidentally ate a rock. 

Summer walked up, “ Lady sickness. My mom used to get it all the time.”

“ How do you cure it?” Tai asked.

She narrowed her eyes, “ _EDGE CLOSER TO DEATH_.”

Tai and Qrow widened their eyes and took a step back from her.

She then cheered, “ WOOOO! Mascot hunt! I’m going for one with a lot of teeth!” She started climb a tree.

Qrow groaned, “ I need a break from Ozpin, just one day.” Then he heard grunting nearby and turned around to find Quartermaster pulling a body bag that left blood all over the ground, though Qrow didn’t think anything of it since he was 10. 

Qrow smirked and turned his head over to Ozpin, “ Hey, Ozpin!”

“ Yes, Qrow?” Ozpin asked as he was helping Marrow off the ground but then dropped him when he answered. 

“ Why don’t you have the quartermaster take half of us?” Qrow could hear the “ Huh?” Come from quartermaster and the thud of the body bag, “ I’ll bet he would have a unique outlook on the forest!” 

“ Why, Qrow, what a wonderful idea!” Ozpin said as he helped Marrow up from the ground but dropped him AGAIN, “He is such a beloved member of our family! I would love for you all to get to know him better.”

Qrow put a hand on his chest, “ I for one, would LOVE to learn from my elders.” He really didn’t.

_Just remember it’s to get away from Ozpin._ Qrow thought to himself when he saw the blood on Quartermaster’s hand.

“ You seriously want to go in the woods with the bad guy from EVERY single horror movie EVER?!” Tai asked and looked at Qrow in disbelief. Summer smiled and pointed at him, “ Yea, he’s gonna turn you into a skin suit.”

Qrow waved a hand, “ Calm down, it’s gonna be fine.” He assured, “ It’s better then hanging out with Ozpin.”

Ozpin sniffed, “ Sorry everyone, just... really overwhelmed by all this friendship right now.” Gods such an emotional sap, “ Alright, who else would like to embark on a friendship walk? Who knows, maybe quartermasters wisdom will rub off on ya!”

Quartermaster grumbled, “ Rub un yea.”

Qrow put his hand out and all of the other kids stepped back. Ozpin took a step towards Qrow and kneeled down then started ruffling his hair, “ I’m just so proud!” Qrow slapped his hand away and made angry noises.

“ Everyone else is team Ozpin!” Ozpin said happily as he walked away with the other kids. 

“ Everyone keep your eyes peeled! You’ll never know what you’ll find.” Ozpin said to the group of kids behind him.

“ I found a bug!” Marrow yelled and held up a catapillar.

Ozpin chuckled awkwardly, “ That’s...great.”

“ How many talons would you say were looking for here?” Summer asked as her legs hung onto the branch of a tree. Ozpin chuckled nervously, “ Hehe, Uhm..”

Summer waved a hand, “ You know what, I’m just gonna do my thing. We’ll talk later.” And then she disappeared back into the tree.

“ What’s wrong, Tai?” Ozpin asked and kneeled down by the blonde.

Tai glared at him, “ What’s wrong?! I wanted to spend my summer in an air-condiomted laboratory! Not walking around a future dust store that would probably be called, ‘ Dust Till Dawn’! It would be a horrible name.” 

Ozpin smiled, “ Aw, come on, Tai! Nature can be your friend if you give it a chance.” He shot him a thumbs up and Tai rolled his eyes.

“ A raccoon is trying to kill Elm.” Tai pointed his thumb over his shoulder and Ozpin saw that a raccoon was ripping off her fake bunny tail. He gasped, “ Elm! Play dead!” He ran towards her.

“ Psst.” Tai heard someone from behind a bush and he went through it. “ Look!” Summer whispered and she pointed to bear tracks in the ground that led down a trail. She smiled, “ I smell a mascot! Come on, let’s go!” She grabbed Tai's arm and followed the bear tracks.

“ This isn’t what the buddy system is for!” He shouted as they both followed- more like he was forced by Summer- the bear tracks.

* * *

Qrow seriously felt like he was in a horror movie. This part of the forest was dark as if there was no sun- he couldn’t even see the sun anymore. There was blood smeared on a few trees and owls were hooting.

Qrow looked around nervously as he followed quartermaster, “ Look man, we can just go back to the camp and chill. Glynda can be the mascot.” He bumped into Quartermaster’s legs and fell to the floor, making an ‘ Oof!’ Sound.

His neck popped as it turned a little to look at Qrow, “ You kids think you're so smart!” He turned around.

Qrow looked at him confused and tilted his head, “What? How does that even relate to-“

“ You need to see BEYOND the camp! Into the true beauty of nature!”

“...Uh, this looks like the place where teenagers get stabbed.”

Quartermaster switched his hook hand to a candle stick and shrugged, “ Probably.”

* * *

“ NOOHOO!” Summer pouted as she saw the bones of a bear, “ I would have fed it porridge. And it would have been just right!”

Tai made a sigh of relief, “ Oh well, I guess we should head back to the camp.”

There was a *MUACK* noise and a platypus came out of the shadows. “ What’s that? Doesn’t look very cool.” Summer said. 

Tai put a finger up, “ That’s a platypus. It’s actually quite dangerous. It has a little poison on its-“

“ POISONOUS?” Summer beamed and kneeled down by the platypus and put her arms out, “ Awesome! You're coming with mama!” 

The platypus jumped up and hissed and Summer took a step back, “ Woah! Too feisty!” She jabbed a fist.

“ Run!” Tai yelled as they both sprinted out of the cave, “ Don’t let it kick you!” Tai screamed as the platypus chased them and Summer laughed.

* * *

“ Hey, so, how’d you lose that hand anyway?” Qrow asked.

Quartermaster started grumbling and all Qrow heard was “ Atlesians.” He widened his eyes, “ I feel like you should be more specific..”

“ We’re here.” Quartermaster said. But it was a dead end. 

Qrow knew what was about to happen. Quartermaster switched his hand back to its hook. Qrow sighed, “Well, I guess Nikki was right. Enjoy wearing my skin!” He put his arms out and closed his eyes.

He could hear the swing of his hook but it hit a bush instead of him. Qrow opened one eye then the other and- holy shit.

It was like _paradise_ in nature.

There were bushes with a bunch of different flowers and it was sunny. Rabbits and squirrels ran around and there was a wooden throne with a squirrel wearing a crown sitting on it.

Qrow blinked, “ It’s...beautiful…”

Quartermaster walked up to the throne and Qrow stood 2 feet behind him. Quartermaster put his- non hook- hand out and the squirrel stepped onto it. There was a light in both of their eyes as they watched the squirrel bow.

The squirrel stood up straight but then Quartermaster stabbed it with its hook. He turned around, the dead squirrel on his hook, “ Mascot.”

“ DUDE! YOU FUCKING KILLED IT!”

“ Oh.” 

Quartermaster took the crown off of the squirrel's head and put it onto his, “ I AM YOUR KING NOW! THE THRONE IS MINE!” He hit all of the animals that came at him with his free hand. A squirrel with an eye patch made angry noises then ran into a bush.

* * *

“ Alright, everyone! Let’s take a look at our candidates!” Ozpin said once his group had gotten back to the docks, “ We have a...caterpillar…” He looked down at Marrow who was holding a caterpillar. 

Then he heard screaming and laughter and he looked at the forest to see Tai and Summer running. “ It wants blood!” Tai screamed and Ozpin saw the platypus.

Ozpin gasped, “ AH! Kids, get to the pier!” They all ran to the pier but the platypus cornered them, “ What do we do now?” Marrow asked. “ I don’t know!” Ozpin admitted, “ This was a terrible idea.”

The platypus hissed and growled. “ I WANT A VIKINGS FUNERAL. LIGHT ME UP!” Summer yelled and she looked up the sky as if she were an offering.

The platypus jumped at them but then Glynda caught it by its tail, “ What the HELL is going on?!”

“ We’re...finding a mascot?” Ozpin squeaked.

Glynda facepalmed with her free hand, “...Why do you always have to make things complicated and weird?”

“ Well, I mean, I think this is all pretty normal.”

Suddenly, there was the sound of a horn blowing and a fanfare. The kids looked at a tree to see Quartermaster on a wooden throne being carried by a bunch of squirrels. Qrow at his side.

Glynda dropped the platypus, “ I need more midol.” She walked away from whatever shit was happening.

Ozpin Put his hands in his hips, “ Alright, well then seeing as I just stepped on the caterpillar. The platypus is our new mascot!”

*Muack*

“ So what’d you do?” Summer skipped over to Qrow. He rubbed the back of his head, “ I don’t know, man, I think he tried to teach me a lesson?”

“ Like about nature?” Tai asked.

“ I guess.

“ Look In the water!” They heard Elm yell then looked at the lake. Something was crawling out of it, it was...Zwei?!

“ Zwei’s back!” Ozpin jumped up.

Zwei screamed as the platypus ate him

Ozpin sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose, “ Fine, whatever. The platypus is our mascot.”

“ Does this mean we’ll be called the Camp Beacon Platties?” Summer asked.

Ozpin chuckled, “ No, I don’t think so.”

“ What about the...pussies?” Tai suggested.

Ozpin widened his eyes, “ DEFINITELY not that.” He shook his head.

“ I like that!” Marrow yelled.

“ Pussies for life.” The skater girl said.

“ You guys, no-“

“ Yea!” Everyone cheered, “ PUSSIES! PUSSIES! PUSSIES!”

Qrow walked up to Ozpin, “ So what’s up with quartermaster and Atlesians?”

**Author's Note:**

> I’m not sure if I should even keep this going. Anyone thinks I should keep this going? If I do continue this, then comment which episode of camp camp I should do!


End file.
